Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
