wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
