Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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