Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
