you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
