Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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