I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
