she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my liver is dry heaving
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