I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize