After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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