i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
