by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
