Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
