And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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