i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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