i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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