my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
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I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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