Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Randomize
