I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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