Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
