i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
