your parents love me but you hate me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
they call him Oral-B. enough said
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
