wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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