As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I touched a dick in church today
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
