$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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