he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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