I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
