oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
