So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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