im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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