If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
