You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
