Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
