i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
