i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
