Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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