Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
