Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
