i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.