Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
