I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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