didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
