So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
