Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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