is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
