is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
