I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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