I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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