I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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