There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
