I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
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michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize