I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
