when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
