Please, let me fuck your mom
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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