I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
