Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am naked and annoyed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
