get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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