If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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