Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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