Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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