angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
