I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
