weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
