u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
