also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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