I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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