oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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