I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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