just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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