I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
