I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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