I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I want to fling myself into the sun
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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