he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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