Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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